Chapter 5. Looking Out Through the Eyes of a Wolf


Snape and Lupin entered their room and slammed and locked the door behind them. They stood there in silence for a moment, then decided simultaneously that standing there in the dark without checking out the room might not be a good idea under the circumstances. They both lit their wands and peered around the tiny room. There were two lumpy looking beds with a small table between them. An old fashioned washstand stood in a corner, and a rather small dormer window was in the center of the wall opposite the door. Two unlit candles in brass holders sat on the bedside table, and a grubby looking towel hung from the side of the washbasin.

Snape sighed and walked over and lit the candles. He also took a quick look under the beds. He felt foolish doing it, but he really didn’t much care at the moment. He sat down heavily on one of the beds as if his legs just wouldn’t support him any longer and turned a pale angry face to Lupin.

“What the hell were you playing at down there, Lupin? Treating me as if I was some sort of possession you could barter with. We both could’ve been killed!”

Lupin scowled darkly, exasperated at Snape’s ingratitude. “I was saving your sorry butt, Snape! You might act a tiny bit grateful. It wouldn’t kill you, you know…but that vampire would have. I imagine I could still go back and trade you for the girl. She’d probably be a hell of a lot more fun.”

Snape got extremely pale once more and shuddered noticeably. He closed his eyes for a moment and fought for control over his temper. “This bickering isn’t getting us anywhere, Lupin. I rather doubt there’s enough left of that girl to be much “fun” actually, “ he stated quietly.

They stared soberly at one another. Lupin looked away, his anger gone as he thought about the barmaid, and what could have happened to them. In the awkward silence that followed, Snape glanced appraisingly around the room. “What’s to stop them from coming in here? I somehow doubt if we can rely on that creature’s word of honor. Who knows if the others will follow her lead.”

Lupin sighed and nodded in agreement. “You’re probably right. What can we do?”

Snape took out his wand, got up, and placed some powerful magic wards on the door and the window. Then, just in case, he conjured up some long strings of garlic bulbs, which he draped around the window and door.

Lupin wrinkled his nose. “God, Severus! Do you think that’s really necessary? My sense of smell is a tad keener than yours, you know.”

Snape, having recovered some from his shock downstairs, remarked primly, “I certainly find it necessary, and if it keeps away overly possessive werewolves in addition to vampires, it’s a small price to pay for some peace of mind.”

Lupin laughed shortly and lay down on the bed. “Relax, Severus. You’re not my type.”

Snape snorted. “Relax, you say. That’s something I can’t see doing tonight.” He paced over and looked out the window. Vague shadows moved around on the street outside, but nothing concrete could be discerned. With a sigh he sat down on the other bed and glanced over at Lupin. “Think we dare try to sleep?”

Lupin shrugged. “It probably would be okay, but maybe we should take turns, just in case.”

Snape nodded and leaned back against the headboard. He folded his arms over his chest, still clutching his wand tightly in his hand. “You go first. Frankly, I doubt I’ll be able to sleep much tonight.”

Lupin turned over and tried to get comfortable. “Okay. It’s not going to be easy on this pile of rocks they try to pass off as a bed, though.”

There was silence for a few minutes, then Snape spoke quietly. “Lupin?”

“Hmm? What is it, Severus?” came Lupin’s sleepy reply.

“I didn’t know you could do that. Have you always been able to?”

Lupin rolled back and blinked at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Snape fastened serious eyes on him. “Being able to bring the wolf out like that. Have you always been able to do that whenever you want? I always thought it was confined until the moon released it.”

Lupin stared at Snape in silence for a moment. Then he sighed, lay back, and contemplated the ceiling. “People always talk as if the wolf and I are two different creatures. We’re not. I’m not merely some sort of fleshly animal cage. We’re one and the same. As we get closer to the full moon, my senses sharpen, and I have a harder time controlling the baser urges that are always there lurking just beneath the surface. I am the wolf, and he is me. I can bring out aspects of him whenever I wish. I never do it, though. It seems rather counter productive when my goal is to totally suppress the wolf…hopefully eliminate that part of me completely.”

He turned his head and stared Snape in the eye. “I really am sorry if I frightened you tonight, Severus. I’m sure that that wasn’t a pleasant experience for you downstairs. Probably brought back some rather nasty memories.” He shrugged apologetically. “But, hey, the wolf can be protective as well as threatening. At least at other times of the month, my mind is in control, instead of just blind instinct.”

Snape continued to stare at Lupin in silence, clearly turning something over in his mind. Lupin waited, expecting a torrent of sarcasm at any moment, but Snape surprised him with his next comment.

“Have you seriously thought about what a total elimination of the wolf from your personality would do to you? How completely it would alter who you are on a very basic level. Are you certain that that should be your goal, Lupin? Perhaps it might make more sense to seek a means of physical suppression, that would simply leave you in total control over all aspects of your personality…wolf and man.”

Lupin rose up on his elbow and stared at Snape. “Would one goal be any more attainable than the other?”

Snape frowned and shook his head. “I have no idea. I’ve done research in the area of Lycanthropy for years, but until tonight, I don’t think I truly understood just what I was attempting…how truly integrated man and beast are on a fundamental level. I’d always thought of it as a condition that flared up once a month, rather than something constantly suppressed that becomes too overwhelming for further control on a regular cycle. Rather like the ebb and flow of the tide, also controlled by the moon, interestingly enough.”

Lupin frowned in confusion. “What difference does it make?”

Snape sighed and stared at him speculatively. “Potentially a great deal. It would change the approach completely. I’ll need to think about this.” He got up off the bed and retrieved the manuscript page from the pocket of his cloak, which he’d dropped on the end of the bed when they’d entered the room. Then he sat back down to read it over again. Lupin watched him in silence for awhile, then he lay back down quietly and drifted off to sleep.